TV Guide Hunters
              Housewives…They Reunited and of course, D.R.A.M.A.
I tried my best to wait until this train wreck was over. Thank goodness  it is. Let’s start with the self proclaimed diva extraordinaire, NENE  LEKES. What is happening here is a nervous breakdown in progress. She is  embarrassing. She cursed out Kim, and anyone who agreed with her. Phaedra showed some education by telling Nene about herself. Sheree sat by slightly quiet about herself. The audition show gave  everyone some insight as to why she is not a major actress and will  hardly be one. Ms. She argued with the casting directors on everything.  If I see a casting director who has been in movies as well as  televisions, I’m going to be the biggest sponge. But that’s just me.  Cynthia played the timid ,I’m so innocent role. I really wished someone   had told her how much of an idiot they thought she was for marrying  Peter. Instead they all focused on Nene and Kim’s fight. One good side issue that was addressed was the royalties for “Tardy for  the Party”. Kim felt she should have made most of the money for the song  and hardly gave Kandi anything. She claimed it was because of her  lawyer’s but in her heart she knew that was wrong. If it had not been  for Kandi, there would be no song. Overall, the reunion was okay but it came off as a the NENE show.  To answer the question on most people”s mind. NO KIm and NENE will no  be friends again because they never really were in the first place. They  shot everyone down and now they have done the same to each other

              Housewives…They Reunited and of course, D.R.A.M.A.

I tried my best to wait until this train wreck was over. Thank goodness it is. Let’s start with the self proclaimed diva extraordinaire, NENE LEKES. What is happening here is a nervous breakdown in progress. She is embarrassing. She cursed out Kim, and anyone who agreed with her.

Phaedra showed some education by telling Nene about herself.

Sheree sat by slightly quiet about herself. The audition show gave everyone some insight as to why she is not a major actress and will hardly be one. Ms. She argued with the casting directors on everything. If I see a casting director who has been in movies as well as televisions, I’m going to be the biggest sponge. But that’s just me.

Cynthia played the timid ,I’m so innocent role. I really wished someone  had told her how much of an idiot they thought she was for marrying Peter. Instead they all focused on Nene and Kim’s fight.

One good side issue that was addressed was the royalties for “Tardy for the Party”. Kim felt she should have made most of the money for the song and hardly gave Kandi anything. She claimed it was because of her lawyer’s but in her heart she knew that was wrong. If it had not been for Kandi, there would be no song.

Overall, the reunion was okay but it came off as a the NENE show.

To answer the question on most people”s mind. NO KIm and NENE will no be friends again because they never really were in the first place. They shot everyone down and now they have done the same to each other

                                            Atlanta Hears Wedding Bells
As usual Cynthia was debating on marrying Peter because he closed the restaurant has no other financial plans for the wedding. Hmmm…I’m shocked. Nene had to be the center of attention by getting on the tour bus with Kandi and Kim and riding to Miami. Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t tour buses reserved for singers and their staff. She got into a petty argument with Kim just to be heard and emphasize her “I’m a bad, loud, b#$%%” status.” I’m now convinced  that Nene is really jealous of  Kim’s success of that song.  In the following episode, the fighting continues, but Nene takes it too far by being rude to the owner of the  house that they are having the party. Phaedra actually looks reasonable and does not say too many stupid things. Cynthia tried to have an all girl’s weekend /bachelorette party. She failed to mention that the very mention of the wedding drives her to tears. After much bullying by Nene, I mean convincing, Cynthia wanted to leave since the weekend was ruined. Needless to say the strippers save the day. The ladies ended having a reasonable time after everyone invited some of the people they really wanted to spend time with.Now, wedding day, Cyn’s mom came through with the money,but that should be a glimpse of things to come. He has no problem with women taking care of him because it’s their place. **RED LIGHT RED LIGHT** She keeps making excuses for  reason TO get married that lead to reasons NOT to get married. Cyn’s sister makes it known to Cyn that everyone knows that this shold not happen. Peter seemed like he and Nene were making eyes at each other  while he was in front of everyone. I was kind of hoping Cynthia would do the right thing and run away, but she didn’t. I’m not saying I don’t believe she loves Peter, I just think the fact that her mom’s money went into  it played a major part. She has to pay her back and if she would have ran then she would not have been any better than Peter. It’s amazing how critical all of these miserable heifers are considering their own love life status. Sheree is divoreced and bitter,Kim is the ugliest knocked up cougar, side note, real cougars know what birth control is. Nene is getting beside herself in trying to get Cyn to join her misery parade. Phadrea is still delusional in thinking everyone needs to be married and things would be better. Kandi is about the only sensible one.Well the season has ended and my predictions are Kandi will eventually drop Kim from her touring because she is getting no profit from her. Touring with a baby and cigarettes are tacky.  Nene will get a divorce and  start  to calm down because she would have pissed off all of her friends. Phaedra will still be dumb and a pseudo-socialite. Cynthia will temporarily separate from Peter because she doesn’t want her daughter to make the same mistakes and Kim will marry “tight-ass” but he may end his career early to stay home and babysits while she tours.

                                            Atlanta Hears Wedding Bells

As usual Cynthia was debating on marrying Peter because he closed the restaurant has no other financial plans for the wedding. Hmmm…I’m shocked. Nene had to be the center of attention by getting on the tour bus with Kandi and Kim and riding to Miami. Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t tour buses reserved for singers and their staff. She got into a petty argument with Kim just to be heard and emphasize her “I’m a bad, loud, b#$%%” status.” I’m now convinced  that Nene is really jealous of  Kim’s success of that song.  

In the following episode, the fighting continues, but Nene takes it too far by being rude to the owner of the  house that they are having the party. Phaedra actually looks reasonable and does not say too many stupid things. Cynthia tried to have an all girl’s weekend /bachelorette party. She failed to mention that the very mention of the wedding drives her to tears. After much bullying by Nene, I mean convincing, Cynthia wanted to leave since the weekend was ruined. Needless to say the strippers save the day. The ladies ended having a reasonable time after everyone invited some of the people they really wanted to spend time with.

Now, wedding day, Cyn’s mom came through with the money,but that should be a glimpse of things to come. He has no problem with women taking care of him because it’s their place. **RED LIGHT RED LIGHT** She keeps making excuses for  reason TO get married that lead to reasons NOT to get married. Cyn’s sister makes it known to Cyn that everyone knows that this shold not happen. Peter seemed like he and Nene were making eyes at each other  while he was in front of everyone. I was kind of hoping Cynthia would do the right thing and run away, but she didn’t. I’m not saying I don’t believe she loves Peter, I just think the fact that her mom’s money went into  it played a major part. She has to pay her back and if she would have ran then she would not have been any better than Peter. It’s amazing how critical all of these miserable heifers are considering their own love life status. Sheree is divoreced and bitter,Kim is the ugliest knocked up cougar, side note, real cougars know what birth control is. Nene is getting beside herself in trying to get Cyn to join her misery parade. Phadrea is still delusional in thinking everyone needs to be married and things would be better. Kandi is about the only sensible one.

Well the season has ended and my predictions are Kandi will eventually drop Kim from her touring because she is getting no profit from her. Touring with a baby and cigarettes are tacky.  Nene will get a divorce and  start  to calm down because she would have pissed off all of her friends. Phaedra will still be dumb and a pseudo-socialite. Cynthia will temporarily separate from Peter because she doesn’t want her daughter to make the same mistakes and Kim will marry “tight-ass” but he may end his career early to stay home and babysits while she tours.

                   Top Chef; Resturaunt Wars…Let the Games Begin!
Last night was the episode all die hard Top Chef fans have been waiting for…Restaurant Wars! I can’t even put into words how much I love Restaurant Wars. They’re like a box of chocolate. You never know what you’re going to get…good food/bad food, calm kitchen/crazy kitchen, front of the house suckiness/Fabio charm. Plus both Dale and Tre went home for Restaurant Wars during their season. I was like a kid on Christmas sitting on the edge of my seat when I clicked the “play” button on my DVR. Here goes Top Chef ALL STARS Restaurant Wars!But, before we get to the good stuff, the chefs arrive at Eric Ripert’s Le Bernadin for the Quickfire. For some reason the producers thought that driving the chefs to Le Bernadin “the most famous American seafood restaurant” and having them do their Quickfire right there in the famous kitchen, didn’t warrant Ripert actually being there. Instead, they get to meet his “fish guy”. (I’m sure there is some much fancier French term for “fish guy” but that’s what he does and I never took French). Justo “fish guy” challenges the chef to portion one Cod and one Fluke in 10 minutes. Carla is so not impressed with this challenge. She even says, “Wohoo” sarcastically. I didn’t know Carla could be sarcastic. She must really hate fish.The top fish carvers are Dale, Richard, Mike, and Marcel. They then get 45 minutes to make a dish using the leftover fish parts like the heads, collars, fins, and racks. Richard can hardly contain himself because he gets to be creative and Mike really doesn’t seem to care about winning as long as he beats Marcel. In the end Dale get immunity for his delicious Fluke back fin sashimi with cucumber and Fluke liver sauce and bacon dashi with salt roasted Cod broth.Back at the Top Chef kitchen the chefs are greeted by Padma and Chef Ludo (from Top Chef Masters). Padma (in a relatively normal dress) explains that Ludo just opened a Pop Up restaurant and SURPRISE the chefs must do the same! It’s Restaurant Wars! Dale gets to be a team caption because he won the Quickfire and he gets to pick the other caption. He picks the one person he really, really doesn’t want to work with… Marcel! Thus taking all the suspense out of Restaurant Wars because we all know that any team led by Marcel is going to fail. Sorry Marcel’s teammates Angelo, Mike, Antonia, and Tiffany, but team Dale, Richard, Tre, Fabio, and Carla practically have this in the bag and they haven’t even worked out a menu yet.Marcel quickly lets us know that, “Restaurant Wars is about assembling a mother fucking team.” Then he proceeds to try and be a leader and it’s almost too awkward for me to watch. You can see that he wants to be a great leader, but really he just ends up looking like the freshman in the dumb bandana trying to lead the group of seniors. Angelo wants him to succeed which at first I thought was sweet but you know he just doesn’t want to be the “crazy chef” which he will be if Marcel leaves. Oh, and Medi is a stupid name Marcel.No product placement scenes at the grocery store this week. Instead we go straight from menu planning to the beautiful outdoor space that will serve as the two restaurants. As the chef’s prep we learn that the winner of this challenge will get $10,000. Then Tom calls Marcel’s energy “weird.” Understatement of the season Tom. Fabio is practically floating he’s so excited to do the “hot Italian in the front of the house thing.” Dale was right, picking Fabio in the 3rd round of picking his teammates was the greatest draft pick ever. As Fabio once said, “We could serve monkey ass and empty clam shells and still win.” Truer words have never been spoken on this show.Dale’s team creates a fun menu around the idea of a Bodega. The menu starts with a bag of potato chips with fine herbs and sea salt (Richard). Then for the 1st course they serve raw tuna belly and fried chicken skin with chilies and lime (Richard) and Bacon, egg, and cheese with homemade Focaccia (Dale). 2nd course is Chicken fried Cod and brussel kraut (Richard) and pork shoulder, grits with cheddar cheese with Corona and lime sauce (Tre – OMG this looks amazing). For dessert they serve Amaretto cake with candied lemon peel and cappuccino mousse (Fabio) and Blueberry pie with dry milk ice cream (Carla).Marcel’s team wisely decided not to call their Mediterranean restaurant Medi but Etch instead. Etch’s first course was frisee shaved asparagus salad with egg and chorizo (Tiffany) and crudo of Fluke, grapes, pink peppercorns and lemon zest (Angelo). 2nd course consisted of Roasted Monkfish with Kalamata olives peperonota and parsley (Marcel) and Braised pork belly and octopus with cannelli beans (Mike). The 3rd course was Ricotta gnudi, braised oxtail ragout, arugula and lemon zest (Antonia) and slow cooked lamb chops, cauliflower puree, with turmeric and honey (Mike and Angelo). For dessert they made a duo of peaches, unripened peach and sweet peach with coconut foam and powder (Marcel).Throughout the night numerous dishes were sent back to Etch’s kitchen for being cold. Dale yelled at the wait staff for being too close to him while he was plating. Mike had to tell Marcel to back off every five minutes. Antonia looked like she wanted to kill herself in the Etch kitchen. And at the end of the night Fabio was kissing ladies hands while they were leaving his restaurant. Could that guy be any more Italian?Big surprise the guests like Bodega better. In fact only 17 out of 76 diners didn’t pick Team Dale as the winners. The judges thought the potato chips to start the meal were very smart and of course the service was fantastic. Anthony called Dale’s bacon, egg, and cheese dish “stoner food at its finest” and coming from Bourdain there is no better compliment. But the bigger winner of $10,000 was Richard!Just like the diners the judges didn’t really like anything about Etch, well except maybe for the lamb. They thought Tiffany was fake and uncomfortable at the front of the house. When Tom asked Angelo what exactly made his crudo dish Mediterranean he answered the pink peppercorns. What? Mike’s octopus should have charred. AND WHY MUST MARCEL MAKE A FOAM FOR EVERYTHING??? Anthony brings up a point when he asks, “Is parsley foam the best way to get parsley in a dish?” Why not just use parsley Marcel? And then everyone just starts fighting and yelling at each other. In the end, Marcel bites the big one and is sent to pack his knives and go.Next Time on Top Chef ALL STARS: Dudes in fancy suits, stealing meatball stories, something’s on fire, and someone’s not getting laid…

                   Top Chef; Resturaunt Wars…Let the Games Begin!

Last night was the episode all die hard Top Chef fans have been waiting for…Restaurant Wars! I can’t even put into words how much I love Restaurant Wars. They’re like a box of chocolate. You never know what you’re going to get…good food/bad food, calm kitchen/crazy kitchen, front of the house suckiness/Fabio charm. Plus both Dale and Tre went home for Restaurant Wars during their season. I was like a kid on Christmas sitting on the edge of my seat when I clicked the “play” button on my DVR. Here goes Top Chef ALL STARS Restaurant Wars!

But, before we get to the good stuff, the chefs arrive at Eric Ripert’s Le Bernadin for the Quickfire. For some reason the producers thought that driving the chefs to Le Bernadin “the most famous American seafood restaurant” and having them do their Quickfire right there in the famous kitchen, didn’t warrant Ripert actually being there. Instead, they get to meet his “fish guy”. (I’m sure there is some much fancier French term for “fish guy” but that’s what he does and I never took French). Justo “fish guy” challenges the chef to portion one Cod and one Fluke in 10 minutes. Carla is so not impressed with this challenge. She even says, “Wohoo” sarcastically. I didn’t know Carla could be sarcastic. She must really hate fish.

The top fish carvers are Dale, Richard, Mike, and Marcel. They then get 45 minutes to make a dish using the leftover fish parts like the heads, collars, fins, and racks. Richard can hardly contain himself because he gets to be creative and Mike really doesn’t seem to care about winning as long as he beats Marcel. In the end Dale get immunity for his delicious Fluke back fin sashimi with cucumber and Fluke liver sauce and bacon dashi with salt roasted Cod broth.

Back at the Top Chef kitchen the chefs are greeted by Padma and Chef Ludo (from Top Chef Masters). Padma (in a relatively normal dress) explains that Ludo just opened a Pop Up restaurant and SURPRISE the chefs must do the same! It’s Restaurant Wars! Dale gets to be a team caption because he won the Quickfire and he gets to pick the other caption. He picks the one person he really, really doesn’t want to work with… Marcel! Thus taking all the suspense out of Restaurant Wars because we all know that any team led by Marcel is going to fail. Sorry Marcel’s teammates Angelo, Mike, Antonia, and Tiffany, but team Dale, Richard, Tre, Fabio, and Carla practically have this in the bag and they haven’t even worked out a menu yet.

Marcel quickly lets us know that, “Restaurant Wars is about assembling a mother fucking team.” Then he proceeds to try and be a leader and it’s almost too awkward for me to watch. You can see that he wants to be a great leader, but really he just ends up looking like the freshman in the dumb bandana trying to lead the group of seniors. Angelo wants him to succeed which at first I thought was sweet but you know he just doesn’t want to be the “crazy chef” which he will be if Marcel leaves. Oh, and Medi is a stupid name Marcel.

No product placement scenes at the grocery store this week. Instead we go straight from menu planning to the beautiful outdoor space that will serve as the two restaurants. As the chef’s prep we learn that the winner of this challenge will get $10,000. Then Tom calls Marcel’s energy “weird.” Understatement of the season Tom. Fabio is practically floating he’s so excited to do the “hot Italian in the front of the house thing.” Dale was right, picking Fabio in the 3rd round of picking his teammates was the greatest draft pick ever. As Fabio once said, “We could serve monkey ass and empty clam shells and still win.” Truer words have never been spoken on this show.

Dale’s team creates a fun menu around the idea of a Bodega. The menu starts with a bag of potato chips with fine herbs and sea salt (Richard). Then for the 1st course they serve raw tuna belly and fried chicken skin with chilies and lime (Richard) and Bacon, egg, and cheese with homemade Focaccia (Dale). 2nd course is Chicken fried Cod and brussel kraut (Richard) and pork shoulder, grits with cheddar cheese with Corona and lime sauce (Tre – OMG this looks amazing). For dessert they serve Amaretto cake with candied lemon peel and cappuccino mousse (Fabio) and Blueberry pie with dry milk ice cream (Carla).

Marcel’s team wisely decided not to call their Mediterranean restaurant Medi but Etch instead. Etch’s first course was frisee shaved asparagus salad with egg and chorizo (Tiffany) and crudo of Fluke, grapes, pink peppercorns and lemon zest (Angelo). 2nd course consisted of Roasted Monkfish with Kalamata olives peperonota and parsley (Marcel) and Braised pork belly and octopus with cannelli beans (Mike). The 3rd course was Ricotta gnudi, braised oxtail ragout, arugula and lemon zest (Antonia) and slow cooked lamb chops, cauliflower puree, with turmeric and honey (Mike and Angelo). For dessert they made a duo of peaches, unripened peach and sweet peach with coconut foam and powder (Marcel).

Throughout the night numerous dishes were sent back to Etch’s kitchen for being cold. Dale yelled at the wait staff for being too close to him while he was plating. Mike had to tell Marcel to back off every five minutes. Antonia looked like she wanted to kill herself in the Etch kitchen. And at the end of the night Fabio was kissing ladies hands while they were leaving his restaurant. Could that guy be any more Italian?

Big surprise the guests like Bodega better. In fact only 17 out of 76 diners didn’t pick Team Dale as the winners. The judges thought the potato chips to start the meal were very smart and of course the service was fantastic. Anthony called Dale’s bacon, egg, and cheese dish “stoner food at its finest” and coming from Bourdain there is no better compliment. But the bigger winner of $10,000 was Richard!

Just like the diners the judges didn’t really like anything about Etch, well except maybe for the lamb. They thought Tiffany was fake and uncomfortable at the front of the house. When Tom asked Angelo what exactly made his crudo dish Mediterranean he answered the pink peppercorns. What? Mike’s octopus should have charred. AND WHY MUST MARCEL MAKE A FOAM FOR EVERYTHING??? Anthony brings up a point when he asks, “Is parsley foam the best way to get parsley in a dish?” Why not just use parsley Marcel? And then everyone just starts fighting and yelling at each other. In the end, Marcel bites the big one and is sent to pack his knives and go.

Next Time on Top Chef ALL STARS: Dudes in fancy suits, stealing meatball stories, something’s on fire, and someone’s not getting laid…

                   The Housewives; Promo Tours & Cynthia takes ControlI almost forgot to enter this blog because I thought the season was over *wishful thinking*Sheree was quite mild this episode no drama. Does she have to constantly remind of us what she HAS NEVER HEARD OF OR SEEN?  Flashback (first season) she has a fashion show with no clothes, only drawings, NEVER, EVER HEARD of that. She had the nerve to criticize LISA’s tangible and visual line. I digress.Dwight needs to banned from this show. He feels these ladies up and shows up to all their events like they are just the place to be. I’m wonder if he’s faking his sexuality just to cop a feel.Phaedra needs to stop making up events that make her look like a southern ding dong.Holding an event where your baby is on display at the center of the room while everyone looks at him while drinking alcohol is really classy. SERIOUSLY?!?!?! That kind of confirms the extra terrestrial statusPoor Kandi must love trouble. Taking Kim on tour with her. A promotional one is really asking for it. Kim wouldn’t do what she was asked before the tour so thinking that would change is good how? Somehow she pulled it off on the first stop. Sidebar; raise your hand if you think Kandi should have taken the other guy she was working with. A talented cross dresser or an untalented  delusional gold digger, you make the call. Okay back to reality, I’m hoping Kim gets kicked off the tour because Kandi needs some peace.KIM- “Why are you going on tour, you are not that famous?” Listen to  your childKim says her passion are her kids and her music *awkward silence*Kim hardly wanted to pursue singing when first asked about it. Proving that your first reaction is usually the right one.Cynthia needs to let Peter go because she still has her “Independent Me” cap on. Asking Peter to pay her back for something that she willingly invested in is a bit much. Cyn’s  worried about the wedding and he’s worried about after. Her control freak is really starting to show. It’s best that she walks away now. CC (Controlling Cynthia) couldn’t even say what she loved about Peter in the pre-marital counseling session. I predict a trial separation.Highlights; I really didn’t get the whole “Ring didn’t mean a thing” song. It’s about Big Poppa and how HIS ring didn’t mean a thing.  He doesn’t honor his vows and Kim believes he never cheated on her. Hence the delusional title. If you are fooling around with a married man, he’s ALWAYS cheating as long as he’s married.There were some sensitive parts. Apollo talked about  how he hates his ex-con label. Phaedra explained her reason for marrying him and Kim showed how she really loved her kids.The one thing I will give to Kim is that she always has her kids.Waiting for this next episode when NeNe joins Kandi and  Kim on the tour bus. The pre show ritual for Kandi is out the window. Cynthia’s prediction may come true and Phaedra is still Phaedra.
-Syren

                   The Housewives; Promo Tours & Cynthia takes Control


I almost forgot to enter this blog because I thought the season was over *wishful thinking*

Sheree was quite mild this episode no drama. Does she have to constantly remind of us what she HAS NEVER HEARD OF OR SEEN?  Flashback (first season) she has a fashion show with no clothes, only drawings, NEVER, EVER HEARD of that. She had the nerve to criticize LISA’s tangible and visual line. I digress.

Dwight needs to banned from this show. He feels these ladies up and shows up to all their events like they are just the place to be. I’m wonder if he’s faking his sexuality just to cop a feel.

Phaedra needs to stop making up events that make her look like a southern ding dong.

Holding an event where your baby is on display at the center of the room while everyone looks at him while drinking alcohol is really classy. SERIOUSLY?!?!?! That kind of confirms the extra terrestrial status

Poor Kandi must love trouble. Taking Kim on tour with her. A promotional one is really asking for it. Kim wouldn’t do what she was asked before the tour so thinking that would change is good how? Somehow she pulled it off on the first stop. Sidebar; raise your hand if you think Kandi should have taken the other guy she was working with. A talented cross dresser or an untalented  delusional gold digger, you make the call. Okay back to reality, I’m hoping Kim gets kicked off the tour because Kandi needs some peace.

KIM- “Why are you going on tour, you are not that famous?” Listen to  your child

Kim says her passion are her kids and her music *awkward silence*

Kim hardly wanted to pursue singing when first asked about it. Proving that your first reaction is usually the right one.

Cynthia needs to let Peter go because she still has her “Independent Me” cap on. Asking Peter to pay her back for something that she willingly invested in is a bit much. Cyn’s  worried about the wedding and he’s worried about after. Her control freak is really starting to show. It’s best that she walks away now. CC (Controlling Cynthia) couldn’t even say what she loved about Peter in the pre-marital counseling session. I predict a trial separation.

Highlights; I really didn’t get the whole “Ring didn’t mean a thing” song. It’s about Big Poppa and how HIS ring didn’t mean a thing.  He doesn’t honor his vows and Kim believes he never cheated on her. Hence the delusional title. If you are fooling around with a married man, he’s ALWAYS cheating as long as he’s married.

There were some sensitive parts. Apollo talked about  how he hates his ex-con label. Phaedra explained her reason for marrying him and Kim showed how she really loved her kids.

The one thing I will give to Kim is that she always has her kids.

Waiting for this next episode when NeNe joins Kandi and  Kim on the tour bus. The pre show ritual for Kandi is out the window. Cynthia’s prediction may come true and Phaedra is still Phaedra.

-Syren

                                    The Top Chefs take it to the PondTop Chef ALL STARS gave us an awesome opening this week. The girls  all decided to keep their bras to themselves and go to bed, while the  boys hung out on the roof top deck where we finally got to see “crazy  ghetto” Marcel get all up in Asian Dale’s face while Tre and Richard  just watched in amazement. Okay, so you know that thing really bitchy  women do when they have an attitude and say “what” while leaning back,  sticking out their chest, and throwing fake gang symbol hands, well that  was  totally Marcel AND IT WAS AWESOME! Apparently, according to Dale, if he  had been the “old Dale” he would have beat Marcel’s ass. I’m not quite  sure if Dale is talking about the Dale on his first season or like 8  year old Dale, but in my mind I’m seeing a tiny little 8 year old Asian  boy beat up Marcel. Go ahead a stop reading this for a second and  picture that. It’s awesome. The next morning  the chefs get up bright and early. It’s so early Fabio thinks, “it is too  late for a midnight snack and too early for breakfast.” In my book that  means it’s the perfect time for greasy good trailer tacos…please give  me that challenge Padma. But, no, instead they chefs find out they are  going to Montauk, Long Island to go fishing. Oh, are they driving themselves…in Toyotas! Did you  know the chefs drive Toyotas? Did you know that a Toyota makes a great  “driving to the beach to catch some fish and gut it and make it into a  great dish  for a TV show” car? Oh, well they do and the seats are made from Glad  Wear and it runs on Dawn Dish Soap. They get  to the beach and Padma is there with Tom in a plaid shirt. It’s very  “Top Chef in the country”. There is no Quickfire this week, instead that  time is taken up with hilarious footage of the chefs trying to catch  fish by slapping the water with their poles. If that reads weird, I’m  sorry, but that is what everyone on the second boat was doing. They are  split into 4 teams of 3. Mike, Angelo, and Black Tiffany share a boat  with Marcel, Fabio, and Richard. Fabio just knows he will be awesome at  fishing because his dad was on a fishing team in Italy. But, on the  other boat is Dale, Carla, Tre on one team and Antonia, Jamie, and White  Tiffani making up the last team. Dale thinks he will be the best fisher  because his dad was also a fisherman and to prove his domination he  catches a fish in the first five minutes.  Then he catches the monster of all Stripped Bass which he calls “Marcel  sized”. White Tiffani eloquently described the moment of Dale’s sweaty  victory as he pulled the fish over the side of the boat as, “it was like  he was giving birth and the baby was crowning.” Eww. Oh, and Antonia  screams like a 12 year old at a Justin Bieber concert every time she  hauls in a Bass.  Once they are back on dry  land and Angelo stops freaking out and looking for sharks, the  challenge for the chefs is to cook the fish they have caught in their  groups to feed a party of 200 on the beach. Carla is worried because she  only caught Blue Fish and they are “oily and trashy.” Jamie thinks the  sun is only shinning on her. Fabio, Angelo, and Marcel decide to make  only one dish because maybe they all had the same idea at the same time.  That part is skimmed over by the editing. What we do learn is Fabio  thinks it’s a great idea because if they wind  up in the bottom it will be harder for the judges to decided which two  people to send home. Did I say this week is a double elimination? Well  it is. Also Fabio and Richard have a little bromance going. That is  until Richard starts bossing Fabio around to hurry up and puree the dang  corn. “I love him to death…” Fabio starts, but I don’t know how he  finishes that sentence because his accent gets so thick which I swear is  something he can turn off and on when it serves him best. And  when does Fabio become like 100% Italian charmer? When he talks to  people who are going to eat his food. Seriously, he could give people a  paper plate with a Slim Jim and half a moldy peach, but as long as he  can flirt with the Italian schoolboy charm turned on high, people would  eat it up (pun intended). Carla is also adorable selling her food to  the hungry beach party goers, but guess who isn’t? White Tiffani. When  this woman smiled and said,  “Hi. How are you,” I thought it was Voldermort hiding beneath her white  chef’s coat. Oh, and Gail looks like she is wearing scrubs.At  judging the favorites are Dale, Carla, Tre (who showed a picture of his  family and they are gorgeous), Black Tiffany, and Angelo. They really  loved Dale’s fish tacos with Bass, corn and avocado relish, creme  fraiche, radishes, and cabbage even though Tom was a little worried  earlier on that he didn’t make his own tortillas, but the win (and a  trip to Amsterdam) went to Carla for he excellent “tribute to New York  bagel” which was a smoked Blue Fish lettuce wrap, pickled watermelon  rind, radishes, and bagel croutons. The judges thought it was perfect  dish to enjoy on the beach. That means that bottom was made up of Jamie,  Antonia, White Tiffani, Fabio, Richard, and Marcel. The boys defended  them only making one dish by arguing that after the last challenge they  really wanted to be a team, and being  a team meant all working together on one really great dish. The problem  was it wasn’t really great. They made Sea Bass, Succotash, corn puree,  tomato confit, concord gastrique, and jamon air (ham air)? The judges  thought it was a horrible beach dish, there were way too many  ingredients, and Marcel is back to his old trick of putting a foam on  everything. But, I guess their plan worked of confusing the judges so  they couldn’t decide who to send home because they all ended up safe.  This means that Jamie and White Tiffani were sent packing. Jamie’s  Stripped Bass, watermelon salad with fresh dill, shaved radishes, and  cucumber water was, well too watery and bland, so she was sent packing.  All together now, “IT’S ABOUT TIME!” Sadly, White Tiffani also had to  head out for not taking out the bloodline on her smoked Blue Fish with  tomato, roasted corn, and zucchini ribbon salad. Next  time on Top chef ALL STARS… RESTAURANT WARS,  Black Tiffany (sadly the only Tiffiany now) yells a lot, Fabio flirts  as the front of the house (big surprise), and Anthony Bourdain is back!       

                                    The Top Chefs take it to the Pond

Top Chef ALL STARS gave us an awesome opening this week. The girls all decided to keep their bras to themselves and go to bed, while the boys hung out on the roof top deck where we finally got to see “crazy ghetto” Marcel get all up in Asian Dale’s face while Tre and Richard just watched in amazement. Okay, so you know that thing really bitchy women do when they have an attitude and say “what” while leaning back, sticking out their chest, and throwing fake gang symbol hands, well that was totally Marcel AND IT WAS AWESOME! Apparently, according to Dale, if he had been the “old Dale” he would have beat Marcel’s ass. I’m not quite sure if Dale is talking about the Dale on his first season or like 8 year old Dale, but in my mind I’m seeing a tiny little 8 year old Asian boy beat up Marcel. Go ahead a stop reading this for a second and picture that. It’s awesome. 

The next morning the chefs get up bright and early. It’s so early Fabio thinks, “it is too late for a midnight snack and too early for breakfast.” In my book that means it’s the perfect time for greasy good trailer tacos…please give me that challenge Padma. But, no, instead they chefs find out they are going to Montauk, Long Island to go fishing. Oh, are they driving themselves…in Toyotas! Did you know the chefs drive Toyotas? Did you know that a Toyota makes a great “driving to the beach to catch some fish and gut it and make it into a great dish for a TV show” car? Oh, well they do and the seats are made from Glad Wear and it runs on Dawn Dish Soap. 

They get to the beach and Padma is there with Tom in a plaid shirt. It’s very “Top Chef in the country”. There is no Quickfire this week, instead that time is taken up with hilarious footage of the chefs trying to catch fish by slapping the water with their poles. If that reads weird, I’m sorry, but that is what everyone on the second boat was doing. They are split into 4 teams of 3. Mike, Angelo, and Black Tiffany share a boat with Marcel, Fabio, and Richard. Fabio just knows he will be awesome at fishing because his dad was on a fishing team in Italy. But, on the other boat is Dale, Carla, Tre on one team and Antonia, Jamie, and White Tiffani making up the last team. Dale thinks he will be the best fisher because his dad was also a fisherman and to prove his domination he catches a fish in the first five minutes. Then he catches the monster of all Stripped Bass which he calls “Marcel sized”. White Tiffani eloquently described the moment of Dale’s sweaty victory as he pulled the fish over the side of the boat as, “it was like he was giving birth and the baby was crowning.” Eww. Oh, and Antonia screams like a 12 year old at a Justin Bieber concert every time she hauls in a Bass.  

Once they are back on dry land and Angelo stops freaking out and looking for sharks, the challenge for the chefs is to cook the fish they have caught in their groups to feed a party of 200 on the beach. Carla is worried because she only caught Blue Fish and they are “oily and trashy.” Jamie thinks the sun is only shinning on her. Fabio, Angelo, and Marcel decide to make only one dish because maybe they all had the same idea at the same time. That part is skimmed over by the editing. What we do learn is Fabio thinks it’s a great idea because if they wind up in the bottom it will be harder for the judges to decided which two people to send home. Did I say this week is a double elimination? Well it is. Also Fabio and Richard have a little bromance going. That is until Richard starts bossing Fabio around to hurry up and puree the dang corn. “I love him to death…” Fabio starts, but I don’t know how he finishes that sentence because his accent gets so thick which I swear is something he can turn off and on when it serves him best. 

And when does Fabio become like 100% Italian charmer? When he talks to people who are going to eat his food. Seriously, he could give people a paper plate with a Slim Jim and half a moldy peach, but as long as he can flirt with the Italian schoolboy charm turned on high, people would eat it up (pun intended). Carla is also adorable selling her food to the hungry beach party goers, but guess who isn’t? White Tiffani. When this woman smiled and said, “Hi. How are you,” I thought it was Voldermort hiding beneath her white chef’s coat. Oh, and Gail looks like she is wearing scrubs.

At judging the favorites are Dale, Carla, Tre (who showed a picture of his family and they are gorgeous), Black Tiffany, and Angelo. They really loved Dale’s fish tacos with Bass, corn and avocado relish, creme fraiche, radishes, and cabbage even though Tom was a little worried earlier on that he didn’t make his own tortillas, but the win (and a trip to Amsterdam) went to Carla for he excellent “tribute to New York bagel” which was a smoked Blue Fish lettuce wrap, pickled watermelon rind, radishes, and bagel croutons. The judges thought it was perfect dish to enjoy on the beach. That means that bottom was made up of Jamie, Antonia, White Tiffani, Fabio, Richard, and Marcel. The boys defended them only making one dish by arguing that after the last challenge they really wanted to be a team, and being a team meant all working together on one really great dish. The problem was it wasn’t really great. They made Sea Bass, Succotash, corn puree, tomato confit, concord gastrique, and jamon air (ham air)? The judges thought it was a horrible beach dish, there were way too many ingredients, and Marcel is back to his old trick of putting a foam on everything. But, I guess their plan worked of confusing the judges so they couldn’t decide who to send home because they all ended up safe. This means that Jamie and White Tiffani were sent packing. Jamie’s Stripped Bass, watermelon salad with fresh dill, shaved radishes, and cucumber water was, well too watery and bland, so she was sent packing. All together now, “IT’S ABOUT TIME!” Sadly, White Tiffani also had to head out for not taking out the bloodline on her smoked Blue Fish with tomato, roasted corn, and zucchini ribbon salad. 

Next time on Top chef ALL STARS… RESTAURANT WARS, Black Tiffany (sadly the only Tiffiany now) yells a lot, Fabio flirts as the front of the house (big surprise), and Anthony Bourdain is back!      

                                  Top Chef takes on Chinatown
Top Chef is back on my TV which means I was back sitting on my couch with a notepad, glass of ice water (New Year’s diet = no beer), pen, and an ear for all the mouth watering food talk. Food that I can’t eat… again diet… Thank you Sweet Baby Jesus that this wasn’t Mexican week or something, I don’t think I could have handled tacos, enchiladas, and fajitas tempting me from my TV.This week we get no funny opening scene, instead it’s straight into the kitchen for the 100th episode’s Quickfire staring Padma in a Jail House Rock top circa 1986 and Tom. For Tom’s first and last, as he lets the contestants and more importantly the producers know, time cooking as part of a Top Chef Challenge. Tom cooks a dish as fast as he can while Padma watches the clock and minds the flying leftovers Tom tries to spill on her 80’s apparel. He ends up cooking black sea bass with clams, tomato, and zucchini in eight minutes and 37 seconds. The challenge for the “cheftestants” is to cook a yummy dish in the same amount of time. For some reason the chefs are all amazed at how composed and calm he is throughout the whole ordeal. Um, I’m going to guess he knew what was in the kitchen, where it was, and what he was going to cook because he’s the head judge on the freaking TV Show!!! But, that’s just my opinion.Padma says, “Go,” and there is immediately pandemonium in the kitchen. I get it. I could barely cut an onion in eight minutes, but OMG these chefs are running around like there are only two clams and a frozen shrimp in the fridges and heavens someone gets to them first. Marcel is the only smart one and grabs Tom’s leftover fish instead of fighting the mob at the fridge. In the bottom is Jamie with her clam “amuse bouche” with bacon and tomato. No producers, it wasn’t an amuse bouche, it was one F-ing clam because that’s all she could get to open in the short amount of time. They also didn’t like Dale’s (formally known as Asian Dale) Pad Thai noodles dish, which was unfinished and really just one lone noodle with a peanut on a plate. Also at the bottom, Angelo, who made the one thing Tom asked the chefs not to make, a cold dish. They liked Richard’s foie gras and Marcel’s fish in dachi broth, but the win (and immunity and a Toyota Prius) went to Mike with his pan roasted Branzino fish with olive and caper stew. And cue Marcel’s really bad Jersey Shore impersonations…The chefs are then given their Elimination Challenge, which is to go to Chinatown and as a team work to make dim sum during the lunch rush at a popular restaurant. While there is no real explanation of what dim sum is (small dishes served one after another in steaming baskets or on a small plate… thank you Google), Marcel is nice enough to explain to us that Chinatown is just like China. So, everyone heads back to plan to the apartment to plan their dishes and evidently get drunk. Jamie lets everyone know she wants to do a scallop dish and I burst out laughing. Then I had to rewind the DVR so I can thoroughly enjoy the flashback to her season and every time she made a scallop dish. Right on cue was, probably the best line in Top Chef history, Fabio’s, “This is Top Chef, not Top Scallop.” Casey and Carla bite the big one and volunteer to run the food carts. Um, and then they all get drunk. Antonio gets jalapeno in her eye, which White Tiffani washes out with her size 36DD bra for some reason, which for some reason horrifies the boys and they all leave the room grossed out. This scene was probably 16 seconds long and cut from 4 hours worth of footage, so maybe that’s why I don’t get it, but it was still funny. Note to producers… more drunkenness, more White Tiffani braless… thanks.The next morning (presumably after a lot of coffee and water) our chefs go shopping at an Asian Grocery Store where no one speaks English, Casey buys a bunch of chicken feet, and Fabio feels bad for the poor, little, innocent turtles in a aquarium waiting to be slaughter for turtle soup, which Fabio calls disgusting. Um, no Fabio actually it’s really yummy. Black Tiffany is pumped and ready for this challenge because she spent a month in China. Fabio, of-course, is freaking out because he has to cook Chinese and I’m guessing he can’t think of a way to make Chinese gnocchi. The actual Challenge goes… well… really bad. Everyone is so worried about how their food is presented no food is actually making it out onto the floor and the Chinese customers are getting pretty rowdy. People are walking out or fighting over plates. The Judges (including Susur Lee!) get so mad, they send Tom down to the kitchen to yell at them prompting Carla to liken Tom to her “angry Daddy”. Love you Carla…The judges try to pull one over us by calling in the bottom people are judging first, but it’s not a big surprise considering the groups is made up of Casey with her inedible chicken feet, Jamie who can’t seem to cook anything right this season, Tre and his too warm dessert, Antonia being a part of Jamie’s crappy Chinese Beans dish, and Carla for making bland summer rolls. They end up sending Casey home for not thinking through her play on chicken and waffles. I like Casey and I do think as pretty as she is, she is also kinda a bad ass, but she should have known better. Not thinking through a dish was the reason she lost her season. Let this be a lesson for all you kiddies out there, go home and think about your food instead of getting drunk and taking off your bra with White Tiffani. The top group was made up of Angelo who made excellent spring rolls, Fabio’s yummy pork ribs, and Black Tiffany’s authentic steamed pork buns. But, the big win goes to Dale who made perfect sticky rice in a banana leaf. He’s very excited to be one step closer to winning 200,000 dollars to start his own restaurant and buy his girlfriend the ring she deserves.Next Week on Top Chef ALL STARS… fishing on boats, Marcel goes gansta, and Dale beating ass!!!
Brought to you by the girl with all the lemons in her basket…check out her blogspot here for everything you’ll ever want and more.

                                  Top Chef takes on Chinatown

Top Chef is back on my TV which means I was back sitting on my couch with a notepad, glass of ice water (New Year’s diet = no beer), pen, and an ear for all the mouth watering food talk. Food that I can’t eat… again diet… Thank you Sweet Baby Jesus that this wasn’t Mexican week or something, I don’t think I could have handled tacos, enchiladas, and fajitas tempting me from my TV.

This week we get no funny opening scene, instead it’s straight into the kitchen for the 100th episode’s Quickfire staring Padma in a Jail House Rock top circa 1986 and Tom. For Tom’s first and last, as he lets the contestants and more importantly the producers know, time cooking as part of a Top Chef Challenge. Tom cooks a dish as fast as he can while Padma watches the clock and minds the flying leftovers Tom tries to spill on her 80’s apparel. He ends up cooking black sea bass with clams, tomato, and zucchini in eight minutes and 37 seconds. The challenge for the “cheftestants” is to cook a yummy dish in the same amount of time. For some reason the chefs are all amazed at how composed and calm he is throughout the whole ordeal. Um, I’m going to guess he knew what was in the kitchen, where it was, and what he was going to cook because he’s the head judge on the freaking TV Show!!! But, that’s just my opinion.

Padma says, “Go,” and there is immediately pandemonium in the kitchen. I get it. I could barely cut an onion in eight minutes, but OMG these chefs are running around like there are only two clams and a frozen shrimp in the fridges and heavens someone gets to them first. Marcel is the only smart one and grabs Tom’s leftover fish instead of fighting the mob at the fridge. In the bottom is Jamie with her clam “amuse bouche” with bacon and tomato. No producers, it wasn’t an amuse bouche, it was one F-ing clam because that’s all she could get to open in the short amount of time. They also didn’t like Dale’s (formally known as Asian Dale) Pad Thai noodles dish, which was unfinished and really just one lone noodle with a peanut on a plate. Also at the bottom, Angelo, who made the one thing Tom asked the chefs not to make, a cold dish. They liked Richard’s foie gras and Marcel’s fish in dachi broth, but the win (and immunity and a Toyota Prius) went to Mike with his pan roasted Branzino fish with olive and caper stew. And cue Marcel’s really bad Jersey Shore impersonations…

The chefs are then given their Elimination Challenge, which is to go to Chinatown and as a team work to make dim sum during the lunch rush at a popular restaurant. While there is no real explanation of what dim sum is (small dishes served one after another in steaming baskets or on a small plate… thank you Google), Marcel is nice enough to explain to us that Chinatown is just like China. So, everyone heads back to plan to the apartment to plan their dishes and evidently get drunk. Jamie lets everyone know she wants to do a scallop dish and I burst out laughing. Then I had to rewind the DVR so I can thoroughly enjoy the flashback to her season and every time she made a scallop dish. Right on cue was, probably the best line in Top Chef history, Fabio’s, “This is Top Chef, not Top Scallop.” Casey and Carla bite the big one and volunteer to run the food carts. Um, and then they all get drunk. Antonio gets jalapeno in her eye, which White Tiffani washes out with her size 36DD bra for some reason, which for some reason horrifies the boys and they all leave the room grossed out. This scene was probably 16 seconds long and cut from 4 hours worth of footage, so maybe that’s why I don’t get it, but it was still funny. Note to producers… more drunkenness, more White Tiffani braless… thanks.

The next morning (presumably after a lot of coffee and water) our chefs go shopping at an Asian Grocery Store where no one speaks English, Casey buys a bunch of chicken feet, and Fabio feels bad for the poor, little, innocent turtles in a aquarium waiting to be slaughter for turtle soup, which Fabio calls disgusting. Um, no Fabio actually it’s really yummy. Black Tiffany is pumped and ready for this challenge because she spent a month in China. Fabio, of-course, is freaking out because he has to cook Chinese and I’m guessing he can’t think of a way to make Chinese gnocchi. The actual Challenge goes… well… really bad. Everyone is so worried about how their food is presented no food is actually making it out onto the floor and the Chinese customers are getting pretty rowdy. People are walking out or fighting over plates. The Judges (including Susur Lee!) get so mad, they send Tom down to the kitchen to yell at them prompting Carla to liken Tom to her “angry Daddy”. Love you Carla…

The judges try to pull one over us by calling in the bottom people are judging first, but it’s not a big surprise considering the groups is made up of Casey with her inedible chicken feet, Jamie who can’t seem to cook anything right this season, Tre and his too warm dessert, Antonia being a part of Jamie’s crappy Chinese Beans dish, and Carla for making bland summer rolls. They end up sending Casey home for not thinking through her play on chicken and waffles. I like Casey and I do think as pretty as she is, she is also kinda a bad ass, but she should have known better. Not thinking through a dish was the reason she lost her season. Let this be a lesson for all you kiddies out there, go home and think about your food instead of getting drunk and taking off your bra with White Tiffani. The top group was made up of Angelo who made excellent spring rolls, Fabio’s yummy pork ribs, and Black Tiffany’s authentic steamed pork buns. But, the big win goes to Dale who made perfect sticky rice in a banana leaf. He’s very excited to be one step closer to winning 200,000 dollars to start his own restaurant and buy his girlfriend the ring she deserves.

Next Week on Top Chef ALL STARS… fishing on boats, Marcel goes gansta, and Dale beating ass!!!

Brought to you by the girl with all the lemons in her basket…check out her blogspot here for everything you’ll ever want and more.